It hit me last night.
Actually, for the first time since becoming a mother.
The sweet sorrow, the lingering sentiment of the trickling sand of time.
And it's certain divine pang for a mother.
I was spending a little time in my little man's room.
Organizing, sorting, packing away.
A little jammie set just too short now, a onesie that pulls across the shoulders and is too tight to snap. The sweatshirt never even worn, not quite long enough for the strength of his long torso, just like his daddy he's already built.
And then the boppy across the chair, the one stained with spitup, my relief in the night too tired to hold up my elbow.
The swing, purchased with my first after night three of life and the all night scream fest she gifted us with, now out grown by my second's interest.
I cleared the floor, realizing it will only be this much time before he's needing the space to explore.
I, no different from any momma out there, cherish my little ones.
I truly relish in their their growth, celebrating their milestones, loving the newness of each day, each month, each first of their existence. But last night, I sighed. I just had to.
It really, without any cliche intended, seems like just yesterday I allowed myself to hope again and pulled out the newborn things, the survival things of mommyhood.
And then he smiled.
And then he was sleeping, hard core sleeping.
And then he was rolling over.
And now he's laughing and playing.
And so much more to come.
And not only that, but my big little girl is just that, so big little.
Snacking with me each afternoon.
Gettin' goofy.
Insisting on praying for her little brother before bed.
Picking out his jammies for me.
Running the other direction when the camera comes out.
Squealing at the dog's howling level when her daddy walks in the door.
Oh, these moments in time are precious.
"Ican'twait" is a bad word in my house.
I won't allow it.
And for this exact reason! Time goes just so quickly.
So, I can wait.
We're going to enjoy each moment, bitter or sweet, slow or speedy, and we're going to look forward to the future with all hope and joy of anticipation, and know, oh, time goes so quickly.
Just too quickly to waste.
Too quickly not to love. Too quickly not to kiss.
Too quickly not to say I'm sorry. (I gotta work on that one...)
So, it's not that I was sad last night.
I'm not sad.
No, us mothers are meant to give life, give up their life, love life, raise life, guide life...
and then....
let go of that life...
letting them live.
So, I refuse to look back with anything but joy,
so I'll just say, last night, realizing the speed of time,
I'm really happy this morning.
